Update
04 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
Rather often, I encounter something and think, “wow, that would be great to write a blog about it!” However, I never seem to get much further than entertaining the thought. I don’t really have a specific anything that I want to write about today. I just want to touch on all those things I’ve been meaning to say. To try to make sense of the chaos this could end up being, I think I will put things into categories. Feel free to read all, any or none of the categories. 
Life as of Late:
I feel like this is a little hard to describe because I can’t really describe my whole past month. I guess I’ll just write about what’s happened very recently.
1. My classes started Thursday. I am taking two classes–Classroom Management and Children’s Literature. I am also going to be working during this time. Basically, I am going to be going M-F, 8-4. It’s a little intimidating but it’s just one month and it will be really worth it! I realized the other day that the next time I stop taking classes (next summer) I will be done for good! (or at least for awhile). Crazy! Note to self: make the most of this time!
2. Dillon left for a mission trip to Haiti on Friday. If you are reading this before July 13, I’m sure they would appreciate your prayers. This time will be interesting for me. I told someone the other day that I will probably be the least busy I have been my whole college career. However, God is good and He is filling my time well! This time is a good reminder that God is the one who satisfies us.. no one else. That having been said… I’m counting down the days ’til he is back.
3. My birthday is Wednesday! I’ll be 20 years old.. no longer a teenager! It’s so crazy. I mean, I don’t think I will really feel any different but when I think about it, 20 just sounds so old. I don’t feel old enough to be that age yet. Good thing I have three more days. Celebrating has been fun, though. Before he left (because he won’t be here for my birthday..bummer), Dillon took me to dinner at the china buffet (I picked) and gave me my gift. He made me another paper flower to add to my collection and another CD. The CD had a fun surprise that would be too hard to try to explain on here. He was very thoughtful and I am glad to have these reminders of him while he is away. Yesterday, I went to lunch with my grandpa and his wife and got key lime pie which is one of my favorite desserts! This evening my parents and my grandma took me to El Chico for dinner which is probably my favorite restaurant. They even bought me some chips and salsa to take back to school with me because that is my favorite thing at the restaurant! This week will hold more celebration which is exciting. Sarah is coming to visit me! Friday evening I think I am having a birthday dinner with Belton friends. Overall I am already having a great time and I am still three days away. I am so thankful for people who make this time special and show me their love.
4. Life in Belton has been crazy but good. I have gotten adjusted to my living arrangements and even found out I won’t have to move in the fall (triple yay!). I have had plenty of things to fill my time with which is something that I was concerned about. I have enjoyed having more time to read and see friends. The summer has been relaxing and I have really enjoyed it. I’ll be glad when everyone comes back in the fall, though.
Things I’ve Been Learning:
Again, I feel like I have learned so much since I last posted so I will try to just hit the high points! Most of these aren’t just one-day major revelations..they are things I have been continually coming back to throughout the summer.
1. God has really been showing me what it means to have fullness of joy in his presence. Day after day this summer, God continues to surprise me with his presence. Not surprise in a sense that I am surprised that He was there; rather that aspects of His presence are new and fresh every time. He always has something new to teach me or show me and His presence is always enough to satisfy. I can’t leave His presence feeling underwhelmed or disappointed. I can’t possibly list all the verses I’ve encountered related to this, but if you need some I can definitely share a few.
2. I’ve also been learning how important the heart is to God. This theme has come up over and over again. God really does care more about our motives than He does our actions. There are so many verses that show this–Matthew 7:22,23 is a good example. I don’t want to live my life doing all the right things but do them disconnected from Jesus. Or in Matthew 9:34–the Pharisees look right but they don’t even recognize Jesus! I want to be about a lot more than doing the right thing. I want to have love for Jesus and his kingdom be the motivation behind everything I do. If it isn’t, then everything I do counts for nothing! (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
3. There are no “buts” in relating to God. I know I am guilty of this and I think it’s pretty common.. to think, “of course I trust God, but I just don’t know about this case.” Or maybe, “I know God is sovereign, but…(insert whatever excuse that God might not be sovereign in this situation here).” Don’t get me wrong.. it doesn’t mean that we don’t trust God at all if we think like this. I think that it just means that we have more to learn. If God is sovereign..then he is sovereign over everything! If we really trust someone, then we trust them always! I think it’s good to pay attention and try to eleminate these “buts” from our beliefs. Ultimately, they are just lies we are believing.
4. Finally, I’ve been realizing how powerful my actions are. If I claim to know Christ, then almost everything that I do relects on Him in either a good way or a bad way. If I treat people kindly when they treat me poorly, that is a testimony to the spirit within me enabling me to do so. However, if I get frustrated and yell just like someone without the Holy Spirit might do, then the people who see me aren’t going to see Christ in me. One of the simplest ways that we get to communicate Christ is through our everyday actions. I’ve been realizing that my actions don’t always say exactly what I would want them to communicate about Christ. However, I know that I am not supposed to be perfect (I’m not Christ!) and that there is no condemnation when I mess up. I just want to recognize the fact that God is always making me reflect Him more and more and live that out.
Okay! So that was only two categories but I think that was probably more info than you wanted anyways. Regardless, that’s all I’ve got in me to write currently. Feel free to ask me about anything I write.. I’d be happy to elaborate. Adios!
Thoughts
12 May 2011 1 Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: college, ramblings
I have about a million and a half thoughts I would like to share with the world, currently. Writing a blog isn’t really accomplishing that because I’m pretty sure only two people know I have a blog and 50% of those two people hears all of these thoughts without reading them. Nevertheless, I’m writing because a) I have the time, b) I haven’t posted a blog in a very long time and c) there’s no one else around to tell. These probably aren’t going to be in any particular order. Enjoy (:
- Random thoughts to get out of my head before processing real thoughts: My current situation is an interesting one. The light in our apartment buzzes and it was starting to be quite the annoyance so I finally shut it off and opened the blinds. Now my current view is of a dirty mattress that’s inside of an open closet outside my window.
- Sometimes I forget to realize how much I appreciate my friends which means that I am certainly not telling them enough. I really, really appreciate every moment I get to spend with those around me. In the past few days, with people having left for summer, I’ve realized how much I miss things that I took for granted before. Just having a friend to hug or to talk to about your day is so meaningful.
- Something I have been working on lately is learning to react to the facts, not the fluff that accompanies the facts. For me, its can be so easy to get emotionally involved (specifically negatively) because I am focusing on how facts were presented to me, for instance, rather than the facts. Although it might be acceptable to react to how it was presented, it shouldn’t influence my reaction to the information, necessarily. I’m not sure I am really explaining this very well, but regardless, it’s been something good to work at.
- Life currently is very different than it has ever been before. I just finished my second year of college. The fact that I graduate college in a year is CRAZY. Currently, I am just working a few hours a week and living essentially alone. I have lots of free time and lots of independent time. It’s giving me lots of time to play instruments, clean, cook, sit, think…blog (:
- A big thing that God has done in me lately is show me how to reach a place of true contentment is whatever He has for me. I’m certainly not at a place of complete contentment all the time but I have definitely grown. He has done this through a trip to Haiti I was asked to go on through our church. Long-story short, the past month has been a back-and-forth period of thinking I might be able to go and to thinking I wouldn’t be able to go. At first my heart was very involved and I was very emotionally torn about the situation. Over time, though, God has really brought me to a place of trusting Him. I still don’t know whether or not I will get to go but I truly feel peace either way. I think this is the first time that I can truly say that I’m not “secretly” hoping for either choice–I’m just praying that God’s will would be done. And I know that it will be because He is faithful!
Okay, I think that is most of what I wanted to get off of my mind. I will leave you with this:
“For I am the LORD your God,
who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar—
the LORD Almighty is his name.
I have put my words in your mouth
and covered you with the shadow of my hand—
I who set the heavens in place,
who laid the foundations of the earth,
and who say to Zion, ‘You are my people.’” -Isaiah 51:15-16
Perfection
01 Apr 2011 1 Comment
in Journaling
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
How many times in life are we expected to be perfect? To get the perfect grades, be the perfect athlete, the perfect friend… I could go on for an hour. For so long, I thought that perfection was the goal.
Before I entered into a relationship with Jesus, I believed that being perfect would make the people around me happy and therefore I would be happy. There were just a few problems with that. 1) I wasn’t so good at being perfect, 2) even when I did something perfectly, people weren’t always happy and 3) I wasn’t happy!
Then, I entered into a relationship with Jesus Christ and… well, I still thought perfection was the goal. I wrongly believed that what Jesus wanted was for me to become closer and closer to perfect. That, because He is perfect, I am supposed to be, too and that when I don’t do something perfectly, He is disappointed. In case you’re reading this and thinking, that sounds about like what I believe.. trust me, that is not the truth!
Last week Jesus spoke something to me that was really striking. It went against everything I was believing and took awhile for me to fully accept. He said:
So much stronger than the call to be perfect is the call to be broken.
I know. That’s REALLY crazy! But a lot of times, the way Jesus sees things are completely opposite of the way we think He would see them. As I thought about this for awhile, I realized a few more things that each helped me to further believe that this was the truth. First off, every time I try to be perfect, I am denying that I need Jesus. Of course I don’t want to do that! I absolutely need Jesus and I need what He did on the cross. And everytime that I admit that I can’t do something on my own strength, I am admitting that HE is strong and that I really do need what He does! Therefore, the weaker I am, the more glory that God gets for what happens through me. God LOVES to work through our imperfections because it glorifies Him! When I realize that I can’t be perfect and allow Jesus to help me in the areas that I need help.. He get’s more glory! So of course He is looking for people who are broken–they are the ones that He can work through!
And on top of all of that, I found that it was completely biblical! 2 Corinthians 12:9 captures this very point, that God loves to work through the areas that we aren’t perfect. It goes as far as to say that God’s perfection is shown through our weaknesses. It also shows that if we want the power of Christ to work through us, we need to be open about our places of weakness. He says he will boast about his weaknesses. Do we want God’s power enough to boast about our weakness and therefore be boasting about God’s perfection?
I find everything about this so freeing! Of course there is still a drive in me to want to do things right (and that’s okay) but it’s great knowing that when I can’t do something, God can actually be glorified through that. He certainly isn’t disappointed!
Trees
21 Mar 2011 2 Comments
in Free Writing Tags: art, ramblings, trees
There are many types of trees in the world. I think my favorite is the country… get it? The “cun-tree.” Which country you ask? The country of many states–better known as existence. Existence is really just a matter of many states–enthrallment, delight, belligerency. Currently, I am in a state of complacency. I hear cars roaring by in the background and can see cats across the room. I am sitting next to a creator. We are all creators, we just create different masterpieces. Some of us create beautiful desserts, others elegant dances, and still others tin-foil hats. However, the creator next to me is a creator of artistry. Which brings me back to my original point: there are many types of trees in the world.
